


Somebody To Love

by onlymapaches



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Force Bond, Force-Sensitive Finn, M/M, Psychic Bond, Telepathic Bond, The Force, only slightly though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-05-13 03:29:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5692849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlymapaches/pseuds/onlymapaches
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn and Poe grew up with very different feelings on The Force.</p><p>or, the finn/poe force bond fic nobody asked. Force bond fics are a vital part of the Star Wars ship ecosystem though, and someone had to do it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Varying Points of View

**Author's Note:**

> This is mainly just a prologue! It was kind of my warm up, trying to figure out how to write these two.

Poe

Poe had a fair understanding of the force. He wasn’t an expert, but he knew enough. He knew he wasn’t force sensitive. He knew that maybe underneath everything his mother was. He knew that whether she was or wasn’t it didn’t matter anymore. His mother was the one that told him he wasn’t force sensitive. Quick, light, easy as ripping off a bandaid. Sitting in front of his mother hearing that he’d never quite be Luke Skywalker he was devastated. He felt his dreams leave him one by one.

 

It was good though, his mother’s blunt honesty. It meant he didn’t get his hopes up, didn’t have a long drawn out crash and burn. He got over it. The force tree in his backyard helped. So did his mother’s flying lessons. He didn’t have the force coursing through him like all the jedis in his bedtime stories, but sitting on his favorite branch or learning A-wing controls from his mom, he could pretend he did. Sometimes he could believe it.

 

He didn’t learn about force bonds until later, not till after he joined the resistance. He wasn’t one for gossip, but he still overheard it passed through the base. Luke Skywalker’s visits always brought whispers. Poe’s interest in Skywalker had always focused on his flying. He didn’t even think about anything other than his X-wing skills until one night returning from training, he caught sight of Luke and Han. The hall was empty. They hadn’t spotted Poe. Looking back, he had no doubt Luke sensed him. They were leaning into each other speaking with hushed tones, glittering eyes. The kind of display that caused blushing and gagging in the same breath. Cute. Too much from the outside.

 

Poe scurried away hiding his face in his hands until he collapsed in his bunk pulling his blanket over his head. He asked his bunkmates about it later that night.

 

“I thought Han and Leia were a thing? Aren’t they?” He asked.

 

They all got a good laugh out of that. Poe sunk deep into his cot, willing it to swallow him whole.

 

“They were, for a long time, but…well, you know?”

“No I don’t. What happened?” 

“Kriff, Poe, okay, do you remember back a while ago when they went on a mission together?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, they, you know, they bonded.” His bunkmate looked away, scratching the back of his neck, hoping the conversation was done.

 

Poe stared at the blushing pilot across from him, trying to figure out if that was supposed to mean something to him. It didn’t. At all.

 

“Okay. So?”

“Jesus Poe! A force bond! They have a force bond, it’s like? It’s like a Life long bond through the force, it can’t brake. Ever. I’m pretty sure you can chat in each other’s minds. You can even tell when the other dies!”

“I heard Luke’s the only one who’s ever formed one with a non-force sensitive like Han!” another recruit piped up.

 

His bunkmates started piling on, adding rumors they’d heard about the mystical connection. It was like a soul mate. It was rare. It was only supposed to happen between jedi. When the conversation stopped Poe curled up tight in his scratchy standard issue blanket. He tried not to feel like he was ten years old and his dreams were getting ripped away. He never knew force bonds existed, but it was just another thing right out of his reach. A perfect connection to someone for their entire lives, feeling that person’s emotions and thoughts as his own. Knowing exactly how much they loved you and being able to _feel_ it from across the galaxy. No one else seemed to give a shit about it, they were laughing and joking about maybes and what ifs. But Poe, Poe sat there hollow.

 

He was ten all over again, learning he’d never know how the sky looked and felt with the force. He’d never know if the sky opened up just a little tiny bit more. He’d never know if everything seemed just a touch brighter or sharper. He’d never know what it felt like to have someone in tune with him: completely. They'd be in love and in sync and _connected_.

 

Poe almost wished he’d never asked.

 

 

**xxx**

 

 

 

Finn

 

The Force was a weapon. It was handled by an elite few and no one outside of them. Storm Troopers were not force sensitive. That was what the First Order told FN-2187. He didn’t question them. Storm Troopers didn’t have the force. It didn’t matter if they did or not, it didn’t affect his training.

 

There were rumors. There’s always rumors. It doesn’t matter how tight your grip is, people talk, even Troopers. FN-2187 was never invited into these small connections. He laid in his bunk, eyes closed, ears straining to pick up something, anything. Usually the midnight gossip wasn’t anything important. Small mistakes to snicker at. Mumbled praises passed through the bunks when someone moved up a rank. Some nights offered more. Some nights the rumors spun stories of seemingly normal troopers taken to Kylo and never returning.

 

The troopers taken to Kylo, the ones that never returned, they were rare. FN-2187 didn’t know if he was right, didn’t know if everyone was thinking the same thing, but he could feel it. He knew they were Force Sensitives. He knew that they were taken but he didn’t know why.

 

He didn’t want to know why.

 

They were decommissioned. Killed. Tossed out the airlock. Rationally he knew that was why they never returned.

 

Slowly that became his greatest fear. The thought that one day he might do something to make anyone suspect he was Force Sensitive, the thought that he’d be taken away, killed, tossed aside. It kept him awake some nights. He never knew why. It was an irrational fear. He didn’t have any force sensitivity. He didn’t. He couldn’t have any. It was impossible.

 

The fear of The Force was Fn-2187’s but somehow it stuck to Finn and he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to shake it. 


	2. Cleared For Duty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn is cleared for active duty, the General has a mission, Poe is a lovesick fool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote the chapter, added some stuff, made it better. Stuff like that.

The Resistance base was not Starkiller. It wasn’t The Finalizer. Finn knew that. He knew from the moment he got in the TIE that no place was going to be like that. Knowing something and experiencing it are two different things. Coping with all the upheaval was another thing too. Coping wasn’t something Finn fully knew how to do. Coping mechanisms weren’t, they didn’t? They just didn’t _exist_ in the First Order. Finn was surprised he even had a way to cope, that the Order had left him enough natural human instinct in him to know how.

Once he woke up, it kicked it. His eyes fluttered open and immediately a list started building in his mind. Differences. Things to Get Used to. He didn’t have a title. It wasn’t a conscious thought. It was just there and at the top of the list with a giant, glowing bullet point was the first difference. _They let me live._ He let go of something gnarled tight in his chest he wasn’t aware he had. Finn was safe and he knew it. This wasn’t Starkiller, they would’ve let him bleed out, his red mixing with Kylo’s staining the snow burning and slicing through his skin.

He let himself stare at the ceiling for a second. It was white and for a split second Finn thought he had it all wrong; he wasn’t safe, he wasn’t with the resistance, he wasn’t going to last much longer. Next to him there was a soft sound. He looked over, sinking into the stiff cot underneath him he relaxed again seeing Poe. 

Poe snored softly, folded up in a flimsy chair. His head- Finn got caught a second on those curls tracing their flow. Poe’s head rested on an orange shoulder, darkening a small patch with drool. The orange suited pilot next to Poe didn’t seem to mind, focused on the datapad in her hands. She didn’t notice Finn. He shifted, trying to sit up and ask for water. His throat was too dry. The attempted words came out in a rush of dusty, cracking syllables. The other pilot looked over then, eyes widening. She pushed Poe off her shoulder, shaking and pulling and smacking at him. A mumbled loop of something like “holy shit” rushed through her.

Slowly Poe started smacking the other’s hands away, grumbling about fire and fuck and stop and Pava. He followed her hands towards Finn. Finn tried to croak out a greeting but it didn’t sound recognizable so he tried smiling, wincing slightly when it split his lip.

Poe scrambled out of his chair, eyes wide and wild. He stood, moving awkwardly in every direction thinking through a million things he wanted to do but unable to decide which should be first. Poe’s stalled droid act lasted till the other pilot, Pava maybe Finn thought absently, elbowed him and pointed to the pitcher of water. He seemed to restart, darting forward. Pava tossed Finn an exasperated smile- something familiar, close, not what he expected or knew how to handle.

Poe poured silently. He opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened. Finn watched him try syllables mutely as he brought the water over. Finn accepted it gladly, noting Poe’s hand shaking and hovering above Finn’s before being tucked into a pocket. Poe didn’t say anything. Finn drank taking his eyes away from Poe before his stomach could knot itself any tighter.

His list started growing. It was dirtier. He tried to avoid minding that too much. It was warmer. He appreciated that. There were faces, lots of them. That one threw him. He didn’t know if he liked seeing so much of someone. Now it seemed so much easier to see less- see nothing. It seemed safer. Finishing his water, he realized no one had spoken.  He glanced to Poe. There were so many things flashing across his face that Finn didn’t recognize enough to describe. Not entirely. Barely at all. He smiled again, ignoring the pain in his lip, relieved to see Poe’s face settle into a wide matching smile. 

“Hey.” Finn said finally.

 Thinking that maybe Poe has been waiting for him to talk first this whole time. Poe was like that; accommodating, patient, kind. Poe ducked his head, laughing softly and looking back at Finn to murmur his own small “Hey.” Finn decided when he saw the pink dusted softly along Poe’s cheek bones that he had another difference to list.

_Important Differences Between Starkiller and Resistance Base:_

  * _They let me live_
  * _It’s dirtier_
  * _It’s warmer_
  * _Faces_
  * _Poe_



The last point felt bigger, more important. He didn’t have a chance to dwell on why before the nurses came swarming.

 

xxx

 

He found out he’d been in a coma for a little under a month. Rey, a difference he’d been looking forward to adding to his list, was gone. Off with the Falcon and a droid and Chewbacca- off to find Luke Skywalker. Poe swore she’d said goodbye before leaving and Finn knew he was right. Apparently her and Poe weren’t his only visitors while he was out. One of his nurses brought him a box of _gifts_ that other people had left. She told him half the base had come to pay their respects, dropping off small trinkets or sitting with him for a few minutes when they could. Poe was always there and he silently assumed that the visitors were there more for the pilot than him.

His doctor told him he’d be staying another month in the medbay, a precaution more than anything. The lightsaber had missed anything vital, it wasn’t even especially deep. More than that even he was healing quicker than expected. They explain because he was awake now, the healing would slow and they wanted to have him monitored consistently just in case. Finn didn’t have an option, not really, so he tried not to let his annoyance show. 

His kept up his list. It grew faster than he liked thinking about. Every minute seemed to tally more and more and _more_ that he would have to settle into, get used to. He tried imagining what his life would be like once this was all normal for him. He couldn’t without needing a nap. Finn tried not to let it get to him, everything so new that seemed so delicate, but it did.

He didn’t want to go back to the First Order, but the idea running through his mind over and over that he would never ever live like he did for his first twenty-three years was? Melancholy tinged.

That was a new thing too. The base had so many words and emotions. He didn’t know how everyone felt so much, processed it, and still got their work done. With the Order there was hungry, tired, focused, fear, pride. He felt _other_ things, sometimes, but he never knew there were words to go with them. Ways to describe all the shade of them. He joked to Poe about it once, he liked joking. He liked smiles and the bubbly air feel of laughter rising through his chest. He didn’t get either from Poe.

Poe’s face collapsed. He looked defeated or distraught. Finn could feel sadness rolling off of him even as Poe put on a too sharp smile and made an empty little joke back. He left a little after that and while Finn didn’t think he did anything wrong he added “First Order jokes” to his mental list of “Taboos”.

 

xxx

 

Finn learned good, non draining differences too. He added _games_ and _friends_ and _empathy_. He met Pava and Snap, they visited him with or without Poe. Snap told stories. Stories about everything- food, flying, space, a younger Poe. Finn tried not to let it show that the stories involving Poe were his favorite. He knew he didn’t hide it well enough to fool them.

Pave taught him about cheating and lying and how to hold a sabacc face. He didn’t take to any of it but he liked being around her. It was the kind of comradery he was never got to be part of as FN. She snuck him food and datapads, knew the definition for every word Finn asked. He thought that she was a lot like Rey, maybe how Rey would be if she hadn’t been so alone for so long. He hoped they’d meet, knew they’d get a long. There was something about both that felt identical but he couldn’t pinpoint it without thinking deep enough to approach that part of himself that he still feared.

That thing always got too close to him around the General. He liked her. She visited him twice his month in medbay, sitting at his bedside to explain his options, answer his questions. She asked if he needed anything, if he _wanted_ anything. She told him that she was there for him if he needed her. Both times she left she lingered in the doorway, staring at him casually. It wasn’t casual. Deep deep deep down, a part of him knew exactly what that evaluation was, what it meant, what she sensed. It was the same part that knew what was identical about Rey and Jessika. The same part of him that made him flinch every time someone mentioned how lucky he was, or how fast he was healing.

She never pushed, but he knew that the General saw exactly what he was hiding from even himself. He hoped she never addressed it and the instant he thought that he knew she wouldn’t. She would wait for him to come to terms with it on his own, watching over him silently from a far, only close enough to know if he needed her to intervene.

 

xxx

 

By the time he was about to leave the list of differences had started to stall. Difference became new experiences, something he was okay with. Things he enjoyed instead of things that dragged him down, made him nervous. Finn started looking forward to adding to the list. Mainly because it meant leaving the medbay. Leaving the bacta baths and their lingering ripe. Leaving the cot he’d been trapped in.

Poe cam on his release day. Sat through the med droid’s list of rules and pill explanations, focusing a smile on Finn the whole time. Finn’s face heated under the attention. Poe was the only one he’d met that kept his eyes glued to his face when they talked. It felt like being trapped under a magnifying glass. It wasn’t too bad. Sometimes it felt more like sunlight. Most times. Finn fell back into the conversation just before the droid left. He hoped Poe had paid enough attention for them both.

Poe moved closed to Finn, holding out the jacket. He’d patched it up and given it back the first week Finn was awake. Pava had brought the rest of the pilots, hidden them just outside and listened it to Poe’s stammers. Finn didn’t think Poe knew that bit but that was probably for the best.

 

“So, food first or room?” Poe asked.

“Wait, did you catch any of that speech? Because I zoned out, just a little.”

 Poe laughed, helping Finn into the jacket. Finn tried to stare at the wall, the ceiling, anything that distracted him from how close Poe was.

“Yeah, you just gotta rest. I think they mentioned physio, which to be honest, is the worst. Also, no missions till cleared, take it easy, basic stuff like that.”

“How long will that take?”

“Depends, you’ve been healing fast so far, so maybe? Another two months or so. I wouldn’t worry about it buddy, there’s plenty to keep you busy around here.”

Poe led him out to the hall, keeping a hand on Finn’s back. For support. It was for support Finn told himself, trying to stop his face from doing anything too strange. He didn’t need the help, but with Poe’s hand warm and wide on his back he couldn’t think quite clear enough to _say_ that.

“Seriously?” Finn asked, realizing that he’d let just a little too much time pass before responding. Poe didn’t seem to notice, leading him through twists in the base’s halls effortlessly.

“Seriously, but! Now. You have a very important decision to make. One that will, without a doubt, shape the future of the entire galaxy. Food? Or to your new quarters?”

Finn laughed, watching Poe’s expression maintain grave except for the slightest quirk at the corner of his mouth.

“Food. Definitely. Please tell me they have that purple stuff Karé brought by last week?”

Poe laughed, taking Finn down a new path that was getting gradually louder and busier. People nodded their way, smiling when they caught his eye. A few even patted his shoulder as the went. He looked to Poe for answers but the older man just shrugged.

“Sadly no, that’s only on Primedays. But, I’ll see if I can pull a few strings for the Resistance’s newest darling.”

 

xxx

Finn sat in his bunk waiting for Rey’s call. It had been a few weeks since his release from medbay and Poe was right, there had been plenty to keep him busy. He’d started learning binary. Started learning history not created as First Order propaganda. He had finished physio. He felt good. He felt settled, at home.

He heard a chime, rushed to answer Rey’s call. The General had set this up for him as soon as he moved into his bunk, a direct line to Rey. Finn doesn’t completely remember his reaction when she told him, but he’s positive there were tears, maybe a hug. The memory’s a little lost in a pain pill haze.

Rey’s face pops up on the holovid and Finn can’t help the smile that grows on his face. Rey has a one that’s a little sleepier.  She always looked tired. Her training with Skywalker was rough on her, but she never complained. If anything she got brighter and more awake discussing it. Telling Finn all about the last thing she lifted, her latest lesson. Each call she looked stronger, leaner. The soft youth she had when they met was leaving her face, leaving a sharper more controlled face behind. She wasn’t hiding but sometimes there was an edge of restraint that didn’t use to be there. The General said it’d been the same for Luke.

 “Finn! You’ll never believe what I lifted today!” Rey said, her excitement reaching him all the way from the other side of the galaxy.

 “What? Artoo again? It’s not as exciting to hear the second time.”

 “Artoo _and_   _Chewbacca_.” Rey said breezing right past his jab.

 “Seriously?!”

Rey nodded and jumped into the story her hands flying with her words, something rare enough that Finn knew it was a Big Deal. He listened. Laughing with Rey, glad just to be able to see her. She finished her story breathless, her eyes shining.

“So what about you?” She asked. Finn groaned. “Still not cleared then?”

“No, it’s killing me Rey.”

“It’s not like you don’t do anything, you stay busy! It can’t be that bad.”

She was right. Between learning new things, he’d taken to spending time in the armory. First it was just helping clean guns, organize them but then he started tinkering. Just minor stuff; making scopes, calibrations, small modifications for things people complained to him about. That’d grown into half the base coming to him for custom mods and calibrations, which had grown into working most of the pilot’s weapon systems. Part of that was Poe’s fault but he didn’t mind, it kept him busy between the range and time with Poe and his friends. Still, as busy as he was he wanted to get off base, help, pay back the resistance even just a little for all they’ve done for him.

“I know I just want to _do_ something that matters, not something that just passes the time.”

“It’s not forever Finn, you need to heal.”

“I got the ok for physical activity last week though, how much longer do they want to wait?” he whined.

Rey rolled her eyes but Finn caught the smile she tried hiding. He knew he was being difficult, but Rey understood. He’d never been given down time, didn’t know what to do with it. He’d been consistently busy for all his life. Two and a half months of resting was wearing on him.

“Finn, it’s probably just a little longer. Listen I have to go, but I’ll call again soon, promise.”

“Yeah yeah, go, have fun with meditating in the dirt.”

Rey laughed, then looked at him. Just looked. Like she was trying to figure out how to say what she wanted to say, or maybe trying to figure out what it was she actually wanted to say. She went to, then stopped. Smiling down at her hands.

“Goodbye Finn. Tell Poe and Beebee I said hello.”

“I will, I’d say do the same for me with Luke but I think that’d be weird. Tell Chewbacca though.”

“I’ll tell them both, may the force be with you.”

“Ditto.”

The connection ended. Finn thought about what Rey might’ve wanted to say. It wasn’t anything bad, she wasn’t in danger. The General stayed in contact with Luke, but even if she didn’t Finn would know whether Rey was in danger or not. He didn’t like thinking about it, still too afraid to let even the thought of what it might mean cross his mind. It was always there, though, in the back of his mind- the awareness of Rey. Her safety, a broad sense of her feelings. It was comforting, knowing she was okay, but it was terrifying. Part of it was her reaching back to him, doing the same he was. Making sure he was safe and okay. They were family. That’s what Finn had decided it meant. He knew she’d agree.

To lesser degrees Finn knew about others too, felt them. He knew that if Poe was ever in danger, Finn would feel it- know it. An immediate shock to his system. A little bolt of electricity singing under his skin. That’s how it always was with Slip anyway.

He never told anyone about the little shock. Not when his superiors or squad asked why he watched out for Slip. Not when the questioned him about Slip’s death. Not ever. He never watched out for him because he was nice or generous, it was avoidance. FN-2187 would’ve given anything to avoid the bite of the shock working through his system. The better Slip was, the less he’d feel like he ate a bolt of lightning.

He knew what the currents running along his bones meant, deepdeepdeep down Finn knew. He hated it, but he knew. It was the same reason he rarely got lost. Same reason he was one of the best shots on base with any and every gun. Same reason he picked up binary as quick as he did.

It was the same reason for his “medical miracle”. Why Kylo’s lightsaber didn’t slice through to his spine, why he healed as fast as he did.

There was still too much FN in him to ever admit it. The resistance wouldn’t harm him if, when, they figured it out. He understood that, but then the part of him that still went by two letters and four numbers held him back- reminded him that they _might_.

 _You never know_.

 _It’s dangerous_.

The fear had been cultivated, nurtured in him for years by the First Order. So he kept hiding it. Would keep hiding it. Pretending that he had no idea what those feelings meant, hoping that if he lied to to himself long enough whatever this was would melt away. Vanish.

It wouldn’t.

There was a knock at his door, drawing him out of his mind finally. He opened the door laughing as Beebee spun around him, chirping brightly. Finn stepped carefully out of the droid’s circuit, peering into the hall to look for Poe.

“Where’s Poe?”

Beebee rolled past him out into the hall, beeping out that Poe was waiting for him with the General and that they’d been given, by the General herself, the very important task of collecting Finn.

“That’s just so they can talk without you spreading gossip to the rest of the droids on base.” 

The droid knocked into Finn, calling him names over Finn’s laughter. He let Beebee lead him through the halls. They chatted happily about Rey and recent notable droid gossip, he was glad it took his mind off of everything else.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Dameron you still with me?”

Poe blinked. Staring back at the General like she’d grown a second head. He loved Leia. Trusted her unconditionally. Anything she could ever order, he’d do without a second thought. He blinked a few more times, thinking how exactly his question should be worded. Tact had never been a staple of his anyway. He might as well just spit it out. So he did.

“Are you-, General, I’m sorry, but what the fuck?” he said.

 Leia raised an eyebrow silently. He hated that look. Her quiet motherly amusement, a look that made it clear she knew exactly what his problem was but that she was going to make him spell it out anyway. For his own good. She slid a data pad his way, it had the mission specifics up. He read through, shaking his head.

“He can’t lie. At all. He can’t lie to save his skin and this mission is literally doing just that.”

“You’re right. Which, is why I ‘m not expecting him to be the one _to_ lie. He’s a good shot, resourceful, able to plan on the move, and needs to get off base before I have to hear anymore of his whining through Luke who heard it through Rey.” She finished with a slight smile.

Finn was a great shot. A remarkable, fantastic, astonishing shot. The best shot on base. Poe would argue that Finn is one of the best shots in the galaxy, almost does. Almost, but that would just make her point. That’s the opposite of what Poe wants, ideally, he wants Finn to never deal with outer rim crime lords. He doesn’t think that’s too much to ask for.

“Then send him on something smaller! A supply run! Isn’t there any reconnaissance? Anything. I can’t handle this one alone.”

“I know you can, which is why I’m sending him along. You do the talking; he watches your back- an unnecessary precaution. I’m not expecting complications on this Poe. You go, make contact, sniff around, return. It’s just a chance to get him off base a little.” She said, turning towards the door.

“That’s it?” he asked. 

“For the most part.”

“Wait-,” Poe started.

He wanted to know exactly what she meant, but a knock at the door stopped him. Beebee lead Finn inside. He was smiling down at the droid, not noticing Poe’s stare till he turned to smile brilliantly _at_ Poe. He forced a quick grin tearing his eyes away to look at the datapad in his hands, ignoring Leia’s knowing look.

“General, ma’am, Beebee said you needed me?” Finn asked.

The General nodded and motioned for him to sit. Finn sounded so sweet. He was so sweet. Sweet and gentle and gorgeous and strong. It sounded _nice_ having a mission together. Flying together. Getting away from the buzz of the base just the two of them. Poe wanted that. He loved that Leia wanted Finn’s first mission to be with Poe at his side. Poe just didn’t want it to be _this_ mission.

Leia handed Finn a datapad of his own. He started reading through it with a growing smile. Poe fought against staring at his profile. He knew Finn was bored, understood it. He wanted Finn to explore. Travel the whole galaxy discovering everything he’d been denied his first 23 years. Poe also knew Finn didn’t feel he fit the resistance yet, felt he owed them more than he could ever possibly repay. Poe hadn’t been able to successfully convince Finn how much everyone loved him, admired his bravery. Everyone was happy to have Finn on base and he just couldn’t see it. Beebee knocked against his leg under the table snapping him back to reality. He patted the droid gratefully, focusing back in to what was being said.

“Dameron will make contact, I want you acting as back up. We don’t expect any conflict, but I still want both of you operating at your best, understood?”

“Absolutely General, thank you for trusting this to me.” Finn spoke quietly, he eyes still skimming over the briefing. Poe’s heart clenched up again. He looked to Leia who’d softened.

“I trust you with more than just this. I know you’ll watch Poe’s back properly. You’re capable and dependable. We’re lucky to have you in the resistance.” She stood smiling at Finn’s shock. “I expect you shipped out by the end of the week, if you need anything Threepio will take care of it.”

Leia left them, patting Finn’s shoulder on her way out the door. He was glad the General was so openly praising Finn, he didn’t think Finn would believe anyone else’s kindness. Poe waited till they were alone. Then waited a little longer. He turned to Finn.

“You know you can tell her if you don’t want to go right?” Poe asked.

Finn devastated. Poe nearly cried, he needed to learn tact. He didn’t like that expression on Finn, it wasn’t right. He deserved to always be smiling sunshine bright. Finn had the best smile.

“Not! That I don’t want you with me, on the mission. It’s just that if your back isn’t up to it, or you’re uncomfortable or-,” Poe kept going, couldn’t stop.

“My back’s fine. It won’t jeopardize the mission.”

“I more concerned about your recovery than the mission.” Poe admitted.

Finn smiled. He was glad the root of his concern had finally gotten across. Even if it took extra effort sometime, he was glad Finn wasn’t able to read Poe as well as the rest of the base. He didn’t need Finn knowing about Poe’s crush.

“I’ll be okay. Rey was just saying I’d get a mission any day, now I feel bad for all that whining earlier.” Finn laughed, gathering his things, “She said hi, by the way, to you and Beebee.”

“Beebee’s been complaining about how long she’s been gone lately, well complaining more. She’s doing good, yeah?” Poe asked. Finn nodded. “Good, I’ll have to send her a message later.”

Poe smiled, trying to tamp down the jealousy flaring in his chest. Rey was great. Poe met her at Finn’s bedside, wasted days talking with her about flying and ships and anything they could think of to distract them from Finn’s condition. From their fear. Rey was beautiful, brave, heroic. She saved the galaxy with Finn and, more importantly, she saved Finn. She chased after Luke Skywalker, was now training to be a jedi. It was impossible to not love her, which meant of course Finn would be in love with her. Finn hadn’t said anything, probably wouldn’t. It made sense though, to Poe at least.

“She’d love that! About leaving, how do soon do you want to go?” Finn asked.

“I can be ready by tomorrow night, but if you need more time-,”

“No, that’s perfect.” Finn beamed at Poe. He tried to remember how to breathe. “I’ll meet you for dinner later?” Poe forgot how to breathe completely.

He nodded, watching Finn go. Poe looked over the mission again. He was fucked. Even if the mission wen smooth, which was rare, he was still in close quarters with Finn for at least a week. A week of carefully monitoring not just himself, but Beebee so that at the end of this all Finn was just as oblivious to Poe’s affections as now. Poe let out a long sigh, leaving for his bunk and trying not to obsess over all the ways Finn could find everything out on this mission.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm feeling much better so I'm just finishing up the next chapter and then I'll have an ACTUAL all new chapter! Finally! Sorry about that!
> 
> visit me on tumblr @sadfarts!  
> also I have a stormpilot playlist that I use to write to here: http://8tracks.com/onlymapaches/satellite-love  
> idk, i thought it'd be fun to share.


	3. Everything Will Be Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe is a Grown Man.

The trip wasn’t as bad as Poe expected. Leia hadn’t let them take his x-wing- too recognizable and cramped for a multi day journey.  The extra space meant he could separate from Finn, which was good. Especially after Finn sat next to him at take off  looking like he’d never flown before. Starry-eyed, amazed, breathless. Poe had flown all over the galaxy without ever seeing something as beautiful as Finn in that moment. It took more effort to tear his eyes away than he’d like to admit. He avoided Finn as much as he could after that, just enough that he could breathe without his heart in his throat but not enough that Finn might pick up on it. 

Finn didn’t seem to notice anything out of the ordinary with him. When Poe was feeling more masochistic he’d seek Finn out and they’d have happy little chats. He’d ask Poe about the planet they were visiting, what the climate was like, the people, the sky. He told him everything, and when he ran out of things to tell about that planet he went on to another and another and another. Then Poe would look at Finn and feel his heart flutter and make up some pilot-y thing to do leaving Finn to talk with Beebee instead. 

Alone in the cockpit Poe admitted how ridiculous he was being, he was 32 goddamn years old acting like Finn was the first person he’d ever been attracted to. He felt sixteen all over again, stealing kisses from his first girlfriend when they thought no one was looking. Linking pinkies and thinking they were keeping it all a secret. He thinks about stolen kisses and Finn and curses when he feels the heat in his cheeks. He is a grown man, and grown men address their feelings. They say something when they like someone. 

It’s not just  _ like _ . Poe’s in love. That makes it all a little more complicated in his mind. Like is easy, carefree but  _ love _ is scary. Love means worrying when Finn is on missions, being scared every time they’re apart even though Poe knows how capable he is. Love means that Poe has to be afraid of losing Finn, and yeah, he’s afraid of losing everyone else in his life but it’s different. It’d be different. 

Plus what if Finn isn’t ready? He doesn’t want to push Finn into anything. What if Finn thinks he has to reciprocate, that it’s somehow a way to “repay” Poe or some wild shit like? The whole situation feels  _ predatory _ and Poe knows that’s a little ridiculous but he can’t help it. Finn doesn’t deserve to get stuck with someone as messy as Poe. Poe’s messy and a lil fucked up. Finn deserves someone bright and amazing, he’s earned that. 

Finn should be with someone as amazing as he is; someone brave and strong and heroic and  _ amazing.  _ Finn should be with someone that makes him look like he did when they took off. Poe doesn’t think- no, Poe  _ knows _ . Poe isn’t that someone. 

Poe sinks into his seat and starts prepping for their landing. He just has to get through this mission then there will be space between him and Finn again and Poe won’t feel like his heart is clawing it’s way out. He won’t feel the need to think about this over and over. He’ll be able to settle again, fall back into the buddy routine he’s carefully built with Finn. Poe will be able to hide again.

xxx

The planet reminds Finn of Jakku. He’s stuck on the ramp, the scent of blaster burns and blood suffocating him. His lungs are tight. Slip’s bloody, muddy fingers ghost across his face. Something is coursing through him, telling him to turn back. He wants to, gods does he want to. That voice is always right. He should tell Poe, but what could he even say? I have a bad feeling? I’m scared?

Poe claps his shoulder, brings him back to the ship’s ramp and the desert heat. He takes a deep breath, lets the dry air roll through him. Poe’s eyeing him curiously, he’s worried. Finn can tell he’s about to give Finn an out, an excuse, a pass on the mission. He smiles at Poe and follows Beebee off the ramp.

This  _ isn’t  _ Jakku. The mission will go fine. Poe will be fine. He’ll be fine. He repeats it all in his head until the voice in the back of his head stops panicking. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY! I know i'm finally back kinda? I'm gonna throw this up but as of rn i don't have anymore written so we'll see how often it gets updated...you can always come complain about it to me @sadfarts on tumblr OR EVEN @onlymapaches on twitter or you could come be nice and sweet idk u. 
> 
> anyway thanks for reading and sorry if i never update again.
> 
> ((jk))
> 
> ((mostly))

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please comment or leave kudos if you liked it. I'm not sure if I'll have Han be alive or not but I don't really need to decide for a while. I should have the actual first chapter up in a few days! :)


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